it's pretty simple, i just gotta lock this shit up.

i'm just too tired of being the fulfiller of a fantasy or just being the entertainment for the evening, tired of people not being nice to me for no reason, being difficult because its easy, i'm tired of being easily accesible, like you can get ahold of me whenever...

its just not true, i'm not emotionally accesible to myself, let alone other people. i hung out with anthony last time for less than 2 hours and i left him feeling vulnerable and wounded and although i should understand why that is, i don't. i just felt bad, and maybe i wouldn't have felt like that had we not been hanging out the way that we were...maybe i'm just too easy on people, in fact i am. and now that i have nothing to do, my easiness is being exploited and i do little to stop the problem.

i am hurting, an open wound. and i'm a little dramatic, which makes me pretty much a liar when it comes to how i really feel and i can't even figure it out.

anyhow, i'm dumb, oh i mean done.

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