anyone seen that movie st. elmo's fire?

i used to watch it alot and today i think i realized why.

there's a woman in the movie, who is madly in love with this guy named alex.

alex is the all-around successful, moving up in the world kind of guy. and she thinks she's got it all figured out. but he cheats. this is his only downfall.

this other guy, kevin, is in love with the woman (and has been forever, although she doesn't know it) as well as being friends with her husband to be.

it's quite the little triangle.

well, eventually alex gets caught cheating and then she turns around and cheats with kevin and it's a huge mess.

but, near the end of the movie, (before rob lowe leaves his friends for the big city), while both men seem to be waiting for her to make a decision between them, she turns to both of them and decides she wants to be alone for awhile.

she tells them both they are the miracles of her life, but she just wants to live without a miracle for awhile.

how this relates to me?

i've never been on my own. i'm always looking for the next miracle of my life to just sweep me away and make everything the best it could ever be, i'm relying on someone else to do this for me. i'm not doing it for myself.

and so my heart just gets scared and unsure because i don't want to know what life is like without my few miracles. and then i just hold on tighter and tighter until i eventually just burst the bubble.

and then i'm miserable and i ask why, to other people, not myself.

back&forth