so ipcara is dead on...

as usual...funny how her entry seeped right into my brain and did not leak out the otherside as some can...but stuck with me as i walked around my city today, as i tensed up with fear in broad 12pm daylight, not a cloud in the sky, no reason to be afraid day...

and i am afraid, maybe because its tuesday and for some reason tuedays in september, with blindly pretty days, remind me of a tuesday 3 years ago, where we were all blindsided...

it's odd. how one of the most striking things i remember about september 11th is how fucking pretty it was outside...and how blue the sky looked as the plane crashed into the side of the building...

and i wonder, why i never talk about it, never talkED about it, never discussed it, it seemed (s) unreal, even when i went to New York, even as everything surrounds me, even as the culture of fear that was partially created in one act, surrounds me daily.

and i wonder, and believe that i am as stuck as they are...unbelievably stuck in a cycle that i can't get out of...

no way to help others, no way to help myself.

and maybe, it's true, that all our lives stopped that day. and i have failed to realize that, over and over again.

that all this is bigger than me.

and there will never be another moment like this, or like that.

back&forth