so i had one of the weirdest/worst weekends ever.

since i'm the type of person that thrives off environment, i'm struggling to make do with the random moments i see people, since i love to see people, but also don't call people as much as i should...

anyhow, it was a blow-off weekend for me, and i wasn't doing the blowing...(doesn't that sound sexual...)

onto bigger and more important subjects.

damien is leaving. very sad.

i'm moving. very good.

my life is starting to take more shape than it has in the past few months and that makes me HAPPPY.

but, really i'm pretty freaked cause i'm not going to school in the fall, i'm not sure when i'll go back to school and well, i don't know how to function without school :) i mean, i can, sure, but its more strange and i guess i am starting to understand the term "real world", which is not a show on Mtv, at all, i don't even know how they get away with calling it that.

so, i finished painting the big things that i own, aka furniture, and weird gross stuff i just seem to find everywhere that belongs to me, old letters, old cards, things that were given to me, the shit is everywhere...

i can never say no one loves me again, because i actually have proof people do, or did...i should say. :) i CAN say that.

so my mind is a mess, as is this entry. i'm moving, i'm hanging out with damien non stop, i'm packing, i'm trying to let my relationships with other people do their thing without me, and really, really, really get on my independent feet, so i can stop talking so much shit...and being envious of other's successes....cause i'm gettin' there...little by little, one box at at time.

the amazing thing about this move is that i call it "the move" this isn't a dorm move, or a parent move.

this is the one move where i take everything i've stored up to one place...there isn't any picking or choosing because i can take it all, and there is definetly an air of "this is how you make it" to this move...

if it's true for me about my environment being everything than this move will set me in the direction that i have been looking for...i feel like a fucking plant that just needs a little water and fresh air, because i've been in the basement for too long...

no more, "hang in there" speechs to myself...i'm finally getting somewhere.

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