last night it rained for what seemed like a thousand years and i just cried and cried and cried...

i was crying for alot of reasons...

alot of which i feel responsible for hurting people, for putting them out, for not being as good as i think i can be, this all stems from my parent's divorce.

i just want to be accepted.

and it just comes down to this and it's my term and i'm going to live by it.

i can't live anywhere where i know i'm not loved and respected.

when there is something going wrong in the space that i live in, i take it personally, i want to make it better and i get really really upset about it.

my home is my haven and i've had it disrupted too often...

why do you think my new haven during the divorce became my car? i had no home.

so, that's why i was upset last night.

i felt like a child who was being punished.

and yes, it's dramatic and emotional, and it's probably a little scary to those who don't get it. or even crazy.

but it's me. this is who i am. and the reasons why i get upset don't have to be validated. and i don't have to feel bad for disrupting the nest.

more on this later

back&forth