"and since when did this me, because the be end all of me..."

i'm never more down on myself than when i've been told nice things and they just aren't true, at least, through the person's actions...about me.

and it just makes me second guess myself over and over again to the point that it will just take even longer the next time for me to trust someone, or even be able to love them, for fear that they really just won't love me.

that somewhere inside me, i think there's just not much to love, it's all over the top fabulous bullshit that i've trained myself to speak in tongues and therefore no one really knows me, and goddamn good, cause what's the point...

and because i'm always falling in love and i can never seem to untangle myself without getting backhanded and this time even with just a friend.

"i am an all powerful amazon warrior, not just some sniveling girl, and you know i can't possibly have a need in this world"

ani d.

Surrendering: Alanis M.

You were full and fully capable

You were self sufficient and needless

Your house was fully decorated in that sense

You were taken with me to a point

A case of careful what you wish for

But what you knew was enough to begin

And so you called and courted fiercely

So you reached out, entirely fearless

And yet you knew of reservation and how it serves

And I salute you for your courage

And I applaud your perseverance

And I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces

That I represent

So you were in but not entirely

You were up for this but not totally

You knew how arms length-ing can maintain doubt

And so you fell and you're intact

So you dove in and you're still breathing

And So you jumped and you're still flying if not shocked

And I support you in your trusting

And I commend you for your wisdom

And I'm amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces

That I represent

You found creative ways to distance

You hid away from much through humor

Your choice of armor was your intellect

And so you felt and you're still here

And so you died and you're still standing

And so you softened and still safely in command

And I salute you for your courage

And I applaud your perseverance

And I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces

That I represent

Self protection was in times of true danger

Your best defense to mistrust and be wary

Surrendering a feat of unequaled measure

And I'm thrilled to let you in

Overjoyed to be let in in kind

I salute you for your courage

And I commend you for your wisdom

And I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces

And I support you in your trusting

And I applaud your perseverance

And I'm amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces

That I represent

back&forth