The unpacking of a night

There are many ideas floating around in my head concerning last night’s facilitation and the rest of things that are going on in my head…

There are many ways to feel powerful, to feel that the assets one has in my head are powerful, last night facilitating was a way to get out a message and use my brain, I was able to take charge in a room full of people I don’t know, may never see again and make a good impression, look and feel in charge. To use the knowledge I have been given and then spit it back out.

To realize true confidence that comes from somewhere deep inside, where my core is still solid and there are no waves crashing on it.

I’m sure I will be given this opportunity again, to realize one’s fullest potential, to be in a situation where you just have to run with it, I took a job where I don’t always know what I’m doing or where I’m going, or who I’m going to be talking too…

I also have limited funds, resources, but then again, I don’t…I have tons, tons of personal resources, I made connections with people, felt really involved, able to create change…important, even.

These feelings are important in order to be able to move forward criticize oneself as well as praise. To figure out where my priorities lie…and who with.

I have to watch myself in order not to get cocky, this is a problem of mine…

I need to be available to myself, in order to effect myself in the most positive of ways…

I need to understand what feeling better means, in a holistic sense, not just a physical sense.

And I need to truly understand where strength comes from….and where the possibilities of life stem from…and how to make those opportunities available to myself.

There are many journeys that will take place and continue to take place, I am still mostly selfish, I want to do what I want to do…but I need to realize which are important and which can slide, health and body, cannot slide…

My life with and without cigarettes always proves that life without is better, easier, more sane…I can breathe easier, (in many ways) and its not polluting my internal….

It seems I’ve become very connected, instead of disconnected, I’m trying to take root, and realizing how much I need to grow and learn, knowing that I will never feel full or absolutely complete, except in moments.

I do want to feel wise, but my conscience won’t let me, I am still too young, too fresh, too naïve to the realities of life….

But I do understand that in order to do these things, I must remain on the leanness of life, to try and become lean in a physical sense and also weed out the crap that mulls through my brain for the days I don’t journal or spend time doing other things.

Ahh…the ironies…

back&forth